Just so you are aware: There are not many mothers who exclusively pump…. or maybe I don’t know that many. I have a few friends who do it. I am sharing my story in hopes that you can find support, ask questions, or just know the process I went through…
Why am I stopping? My answer has been a difficult one. I am stopping because I don’t need to anymore. I have been an over-producer with Ainsley and from the time of her birth until now ( she is 7 months and 3 days) I have enough milk in the freezer to last her until she is 12 months. My pumping sessions, which could last from 30-45 minutes were getting in the way of family time and time for myself. Yes- pumping was soothing for me, but I feel like I have become addicted to it. I am addicted to the sound it makes, the process of transferring it into the bags and writing the amount on the bags, and the time I get to just sit there and know that what I am doing is for my sweet daughter. Pumping has been an act of worship, but also additive. If that makes sense?
So I have been slowly decreasing from 5 months until now. In the beginning I would pump every 3 hours and once during the MOTN, then around 2 months I dropped the MOTN feeding. Around 5 months I went to 3-4x a day. At 6 months I went from 2-x a day, and now at 7 months I went down to TWICE day. This past week I dropped that night feeding and went all the way 24 hours straight without pumping. Yesterday was the first day I only pumped ONCE a day. Today I HAVE NOT PUMPED AT ALL IN OVER 24 HOURS. I was not in pain this morning, but now I am. Thankfully my sweet friend who also exclusively pumps let me use her thera pearls! { which are amazing by the way!}
Do I kind of want to pump to alleviate the pain? YES
BUT I am not going to pump. I am going to go through with this process. I know I am stopping for the right reasons, it is just kind of sad to be completely done. I know I will get through it, this shall pass.
What to do to help with the pain: Therapearls, cabbage, pain relievers, started working out, dieting, things you would not normally do because it would decrease your supply. I also heard not drinking as much water.
Emotions: Mine have been all over the place this week. One minute I am sobbing, the next minute I am super happy. Stopping pumping has definitely made me a wreck. As I see my supply drop I am happy and sad at the same time.
I think the worst has been the guilt. I thought I come to terms with stopping and that I was totally fine with being done. It’s the mommy guilt and satan that is trying to steal my joy and make me feel this guilt and to worry. I know offering her all of the milk I have already pumped is FINE. She is going to be FINE EVEN IF I RUN OUT OF FROZEN MILK AND OFFER FORMULA! It’s not the end of the world!
I pumped for 7 months! That is pretty huge I think and I should feel proud and I should feel accomplished! I wish I could totally say I am 100% fine about my choice to stop, but I don’t think I ever will be. It reeks. No, it will be okay. The Lord is going to give me peace about this decision because I am His. He knows where I am at, he knows my hearts, my intentions…
Part of me knows that it’s not too late to turn back. I could get my supply up again and take fenugreek, drink mothers milk tea, make lactation cookies, etc…. and keep pumping. I keep considering this over and over again. But then I remember all the reasons that I wanted to stop in the first place.
This decision has not been easy, but it’s what needed to happen.
“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” Colossians 3:15
I am thankful for pumping but that time is over. Thank you Jesus!