I am so excited to share Jasmine’s testimony with you all! I love how she spoke the words “God please help me, I need you!”
We all need help but are so afraid to ask at times and our Heavenly Father waits for us to ask him! He loves when we come to him with wants, needs, and praises! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with my readers!
I’m Jasmine, 25, married to my best friend and raising our three children all under the age of four together. Motherhood has molded me in ways I never thought possible. After having my third child I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. You see all the physical things that happen to your body, you read all the articles and blogs that say to rest when your child does, that it’s okay to still wear your maternity clothes, you read on tons of self care for your post baby body, and the months to come on your new baby. But you rarely read about what happens to you mentally. This time around was like someone turned the light switch off on everything I once knew, there was darkness.
With this pregnancy I suffered from Hyperemesis and it was rough on me both physically and emotionally. There are so many times I cried asking family to watch my other two while I laid in bed weak from throwing up continually. What I didn’t realize was God was teaching me that it’s okay to ask for help, most importantly He wanted me to understand that I needed Him more. After delivery I came home so excited, but couldn’t stop crying. I started to feel numb, I shut down and just wanted my baby. My anxiety worsened. I thought my baby was in danger from the world, not realizing the only one in danger was my mind. For the first few weeks I just felt like I was going through the motions. I would see all the other moms with multiple kids on social media who appeared to have it all together and it made me feel inadequete.
There are times I’d cry before my husband could make it through the door. He realized something was wrong and sat me down one night. I remeber sitting in the glider nursing our newborn, milk and tears covered my shirt. I poured out all my feelings. I poured out how terrible I felt for being unable to get all three kids dressed and out the door for appointments on time. His words exactly were, “Baby why didn’t you just ask me for help. I do anything I can to take the load off you, but I didn’t know you were feeling so sad.” A lightbulb went off in my head why didn’t I just ask?
That night I cried out to God a simple prayer, “God please help me, I need you!” That next day I called my doctor and they told me to come straight in. After seeing my doctor, and getting treatment I slowly started to feel life again and boy do I feel free. For so long I swallowed my pain along with my pride. After looking back to that night soaked in milk and tears, as my husband kneeled down with compassion and love trying to figure out another way to help me. I thought, maybe that’s what God does. He meets us right where we are even covered in milk and tears He doesn’t care He simply kneels down and whispers truth, love, and healing into our weary souls.
He wants to help us in every way possible. For the first few weeks I was trying to carry a load that I was never meant to carry alone. God kept beckoning me to be still long enough for Him to pick up my load but I kept going until I burnt myself out. I was trying to prove a point that I was enough, for my new role as a mom of three. What I now know is the point was already proven when God made me a mother to my children, I am enough for each of them.
I now see that God wanted me to surrender everything over to Him. For so long I was so ashamed to talk to people in fear of them just calling me crazy. But the thing is I am not my diagnosis, because when God sent His son to die for us He also set us free. That is why my biggest mission is to share the gospel and God’s grace.
He pulled me through the darkest time in my life and I want others to see that light. I just want mothers everywhere to experience the freedom in Christ like I have. And whatever you are facing I hope you know that you are worth taking care of yourself, you are beautiful, you are enough, and you are not alone.