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He gives and takes away.

Your period is late.
You wonder. You pray. You hope. You trust. You are scared.

You take a test. It is negative.
You take another test about a week later. It is positive!


You share the news with your shocked husband! There is so much excitement! So much worry! SO much planning to do. Do you move to a bigger house? Do you make your 3 bedroom house work? So many questions!!!

God has given you another miracle! This baby is a huge blessing that you have been PRAYING for and that your friends have been praying for!

It is confirmed at the Dr. You go at 7 weeks to see the ultrasound. There is no baby. The Dr. says it could be too early or maybe you’re about to have another miscarriage.

I go back to get blood work done over the next week and a half. The numbers are rising! SUCH A GOOD SIGN!

It is a GREAT sign until the numbers start rising abnormally. The doctor is fearful this is not a viable,
normal pregnancy.

I go in for another ultrasound still not knowing how many weeks I am. The Dr. thinks I am roughly 4-6 weeks along.

There is no baby, no heartbeat, the baby is not there. 


You have told your family, close friends, and even shared the excitement with other friends who are pregnant at the same time!!




God gives and takes away.
God is faithful.
God is real.
God knows our needs.
God hears our cries.
God is near to the brokenhearted.
God loves me deeply.
God knows what I yearn for.

This ectopic pregnancy was no mistake.God does not make mistakes.

But in up to 1 of every 50 pregnancies, the fertilized egg stays in your fallopian tube. In that case, it’s called an ectopic pregnancy or a tubal pregnancy.  






Today, May 4th I had a procedure to destroy the cells. In that moment I chose to trust in God’s beautiful plan for my life. If I were to continue with this pregnancy it would be life threatening to me. I have a family to take care of. I have children to look after. I firmly believe I made the best decision. 




I can choose to blame God or praise God.

I love these lyrics from Lauren Daigle


When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!




I am choosing to trust in God to get me through this difficult time.


My sweet friend Lauren compiled a group of women who have struggled with infertility and loss. I am so honored to be among other women and share my story of a previous miscarriage. 




Check out my story here 🙂 How fitting is it that she shared my story yesterday… THE SAME day I found out about losing this 4th baby! 

I am reminded of God’s goodness and love through my two beautiful children He already blessed me with. These two make me a mom. These two are are my everything. I praise God for these two miracles!

Photographer: Lauren Giles    AMEN shirt: C/O August Bleu

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I am so sorry to hear this Brittany. I will be praying for you and your family.

  2. Oh sweet friend! I am so heartbroken that you are having to go through this. I had a miscarriage in March and it wrecked me in big ways. Sending hugs and know that my prayers are with you. God does not cause suffering without a purpose (1 Peter 1:7). Suffering is the refining fire of our faith.

  8. Sending you love and prayers. Lord, we lift up our sweet friend to you. We ask for healing over her heart and body. We thank you that your presence would be known in this season and that she would continue to have faith, even when it doesn't make sense. We call forth your GOOD plans for her and ask that you would comfort her in her time of need.

  10. Oh sweet Brittany, my heart goes out to you, momma. Thank you for sharing this post; I know you will touch many lives with your story. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

    • Oh Brittany, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I know how painful it can be losing a child, even if you fully believe God has plan for this. It still hurts. I am praying the Lord will wrap you in his arms and that you will find peace and comfort there.

  11. I'm so sorry. I hope that with time God brings you peace. I've only experienced a chemical loss and even that was heartbreaking. Prayers for your physical and emotional healing!

  14. I'm so sorry. As someone who has miscarried, I know the deep hurt and pain, and how no one really understands. I will be praying for you.

  17. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there twice and know the emotions and hurt involved but also the hope we have in Jesus. Praying He gives you peace.

  18. I can't imagine the pain. Thank you for sharing your story and being an encouragement through it to other facing the same. <3

  20. I am so very sorry for your loss, your faithful outlook on life is so admirable. Sending you lots of love and hugs. ❤️

  21. I am so sorry for your loss. Going down this path is heartbreaking but never second guess what needed to be done. I had an ectopic pregnancy which rupture and it's only by the Lord's grace and mercy that I lived to tell my story.

  23. I'm so sorry to hear this… I know pregnancy loss all too well. We lost our second baby at 22 weeks this past January. It's heartbreaking…There really are just not words. But I'm forever thankful that God is sovereign, and He doesn't even know how to make mistakes.

  25. omg my friend im so sorry to hear that you went through this a few months ago. prayers for you and thank you for opening up on such a story. xo

  29. I am so sorry you and your family are having to go through this. You will absolutely be in our prayers. Your strength and courage to share your story is inspiring to many.

  30. I got chills reading this. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this, but I am also so happy for you for the bundles of joy you get to hold in your arms.

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