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The question I dread: "When are you going to have another one?"

The one as in a baby. I feel this question gets asked way too often and I am even a victim of it! I’ve asked friends if they want more children..

 I guess when it’s phrased with the word when in front of the question is what I don’t want to hear.

The when is not up to me. Even if I wanted another child now { which I do } it is not up to me to decide that. I can take all of the necessary steps to try and get pregnant, but ultimately it is up to the Lord. That is the hardest part about it all I believe. When you are so ready God says “Wait, not yet…. my timing is perfect”

I loved being pregnant with both of my children. I loved the thought of carrying my children inside of me. Being able to physically bring life into the world is one of the most amazing things I have ever done!

If you have followed my instagram for a while you may know that I am adopted. You can also read about my testimony featuring a little bit about my adoption here .I have a strong desire to adopt and so does Jerod.

I also want to birth another child and this is the reason I dread the question I stated above. Muscular Dystrophy runs in my biological mother’s family. Both of her brothers had this horrible disease and died before they reached 30. It is so tragic and fatal. When we found out we were having a boy in the back of my mind I worried like crazy… what if my son has MD?????? It was horrible. I thought about it non-stop. We waited until Oakland was about 18 months before we had them test his muscle mass. He had to give blood ( a lot of it). This was a difficult task with a toddler but we needed to know before we had another child!

His test results came back fine. I then went to the Med. Center in downtown Houston to see a geneticist to see if I was in fact a carrier for MD. My results came back inconclusive!!!!!! WHATTTT???? They did find 1 MD gene in my DNA.I still do not know to this day if I am a carrier.

THIS IS WHERE IT’S TOUGH.

 I am so blessed to be able to get pregnant. We know this.

There is also a risk for our next child to have muscular dystrophy.

THIS is not in my hands.

We want another child but how? We are unsure of that. I am placing this desire of ours in the Lord’s hands!

Just remember not everyone that has a child(ren) are able to have another one as easy as the first.

We had Oakland in 2009 and then had trouble with Ainsley. After a miscarriage our beautiful baby girl arrived in 2013.

I know I am more careful when asking this question, or just don’t ask it at all.

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39 Comments

  • Reply
    Holly Housewife
    September 15, 2015 at 1:18 am

    You said it perfectly Brittany! I don't like this question either, it's so personal and it puts people on the spot. You are a wonderful mother and I'm sure there will be more little Ashmores when the time is right 🙂

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 12:55 pm

      Thank you Holly for reading and taking the time to comment! It truly is so personal and I am a very blunt, will tell you anything kind of person…. but this really is a tough subject for me. Thank you so much! XOXOXO!

  • Reply
    Kate
    September 15, 2015 at 1:33 am

    Agreed! It's such a loaded question. My
    Husband and I plan to pursue adoption one the next few years rather than more bio kids… But I never know how to introduce that answer. Because I have had 2 surprise pregnancies… And people just don't get adoption because I "can" have "my own". Truly it's not anyone's business but yours… I definitely try to be very careful when I bring it up.

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      That's great girl! Exactly they always say that!!! "Why adopt when you can carry your own!?" ugh……. me too!

  • Reply
    Donna M
    September 15, 2015 at 3:21 am

    I have been getting this question a lot lately as well, and it makes me so uncomfortable! I now don't ask anyone, but I am sure I asked it all the time before 🙂

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      I am so sorry 🙁 Yeah I definitely watch my words with this topic now.

  • Reply
    Mrs Bishop
    September 15, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    This is a sensitive subject with us as well, because my son was born with a birth defect, and on top of that we found out we're both carriers for Cystic Fibrosis. After a miscarriage and 5 years of infertility, we decided to stop at one. Our families are still mad at us over it- which is so silly. You know when you feel like your family is complete. Prayers for you guys in whatever you decide <3

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 12:57 pm

      aww I didn't know that!!! Wow! He is truly a huge blessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much love! Thank you for your honesty also!

  • Reply
    Jaclyn Kent
    September 15, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    I absolutely love this post. Not only because I hate that question, too, but because ti really showcases how much you don't know the whole story when asking off-hand questions like "when are you going to have another?" I'm so thankful for your health and your kids' health; it IS a huge decision to plan for #3.

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 3:20 pm

      Thank you sweet friend! You are right, you do not know the whole story when asking and even when you get the response. xoxoxoxox!

  • Reply
    Carolyn McAfee
    September 15, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    I don't ask at all! Each of us decide in our families what is right for us, and like you said, only so much is within our own power. The rest is in the will of the Lord.
    Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    rkjalernpan
    September 15, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Thanks for sharing your story. We don't have kiddos yet but now that we've been married 2.5 years it comes up constantly. I try to be very sensitive to other women because you really never know the situation/reason/story behind their decisions.

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you for reading it! That's a great idea!!! 🙂

  • Reply
    Lauren
    September 15, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Love this post and your heart. I would love a 4th child and have been blessed to not have issues getting pregnant, but my pregnancies have been complicated and right now we are having a hard time with one of my kids. We are praying about adopting too but really just need peace and timing on it all. People ask us constantly and I kind of just smile and nod. Praying for you guys as you seek the Lord on it all!

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Thank you SO much, that means a lot! Adoption is so beautiful, praying God leads you on the right path Lauren!!!!! Thank you again!

  • Reply
    Ashley
    September 15, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Oh what a vulnerable post. Thank you for sharing, Brittany, and giving words to so many women who have had this question asked. Praying for you and your beautiful family.

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 7:29 pm

      Thank you Ashley so much for reading! You are the sweetest!

  • Reply
    Hall Around Texas
    September 15, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    Oh friend! Prayers for you and your family. You are right – only the Lord knows our future and how many children we will have {birth and adopted}. I get asked this all the time, too. I love your perspective on it!

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 7:29 pm

      Yes mam!! He is the only one as much as we try to be in control, we ultimately are not! Thank you so much! 🙂

  • Reply
    A View From Up Here
    September 15, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    Oh sweet friend! Praying for you and your all the Ashmore's. May the Lord bless you with another wether by birth or adoption.

    I also hate being asked when we are going to have another? Because honestly, I didn't have a good pregnancy. I didn't handle the transition into motherhood well and frankly, I'm terrified to have another. At this point, I'm just not ready. I get this question daily and its like nails on a chalkboard.

    It's not our timing, it's the Lords and he decides we are ready.

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 15, 2015 at 7:30 pm

      thanks you looooove!!!!!!! Oh I am sorry you did not have a good experience 🙁

      Yes girl it's his timing! Thanks for your support!

  • Reply
    Crystal Foose
    September 15, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    I always told people we were having 6 then we had 7, now i can't get anyone to believe that we aren't just going to keep having babies forever!

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 16, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      haha that's incredible! SO many blessings and miracles!

  • Reply
    Shann Eva
    September 15, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    This is such a tough question, and I don't think people should ask at all. They don't know your circumstances or what you have/or will be going through. I had a very difficult second pregnancy, so I think my friends and family no not to ask me this. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope if/when you decide to have another child, either biologically or by adoption, that everything goes well.

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      September 16, 2015 at 3:38 pm

      Yes, girl I agree! Of course I think asking a close friend is completely okay.Thank you so much girly!

  • Reply
    Esther Freedman
    September 16, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    Well said! People just assume you'll want more (or any at all) and consider it polite conversation to question your reproductive abilities. They have no idea if you're already trying or are having trouble. Better just not to ask.

    Esther
    The Cuteness

  • Reply
    Alisha Parker
    September 17, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    You are so right…it's in God's timing. I think we forget that sometimes. But it sounds like you have a great perspective on the situation. As long as you continue to lean on Him, I'm confident that he will let you know what to do and when to do it! 🙂

  • Reply
    Sasha suchatimeasthis
    September 18, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    Beautifully written. It is in His hands. I love this post.

  • Reply
    Aleigh Joy Moore
    October 3, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    I love this post. Beautifully said

  • Reply
    Keri
    October 7, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    My kids are 9 and 12 now, and people asked me that question way longer than you would think made sense. Not that there's anything wrong with a big age gap, but… It seems like such a personal question too. Definitely not one for casual conversation!

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      January 21, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      Yes, very personal. Thanks for reading! 🙂

  • Reply
    Meredith Nye
    January 21, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    I surprisingly am not asked very often. I am way guilty of being nosy and getting in everyone's business, so this is something I will work on as well! I just like to play detective lol. I think you are so brave to want to know if you are carrier, and good for you for doing the tests. Good luck with everything!

    • Reply
      brittanyashmore
      January 21, 2016 at 8:05 pm

      I am nosy too haha!!!! Thank you so much for reading my story and for the wishes! 🙂

  • Reply
    Cat Golden
    January 22, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    I hate that question too! Our first one almost killed me and she was born 2lbs 12 oz due to complications. It's not fair for people to ask that question. Even when it's been asked and answered they make me feel guilty for only having one! What is wrong with one?!? She is loved, well cared for, smart and beautiful. She is everything right and perfect in this world. Why oh why do I have to have another one?

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