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The question I dread: "When are you going to have another one?"

The one as in a baby. I feel this question gets asked way too often and I am even a victim of it! I’ve asked friends if they want more children..

 I guess when it’s phrased with the word when in front of the question is what I don’t want to hear.

The when is not up to me. Even if I wanted another child now { which I do } it is not up to me to decide that. I can take all of the necessary steps to try and get pregnant, but ultimately it is up to the Lord. That is the hardest part about it all I believe. When you are so ready God says “Wait, not yet…. my timing is perfect”

I loved being pregnant with both of my children. I loved the thought of carrying my children inside of me. Being able to physically bring life into the world is one of the most amazing things I have ever done!

If you have followed my instagram for a while you may know that I am adopted. You can also read about my testimony featuring a little bit about my adoption here .I have a strong desire to adopt and so does Jerod.

I also want to birth another child and this is the reason I dread the question I stated above. Muscular Dystrophy runs in my biological mother’s family. Both of her brothers had this horrible disease and died before they reached 30. It is so tragic and fatal. When we found out we were having a boy in the back of my mind I worried like crazy… what if my son has MD?????? It was horrible. I thought about it non-stop. We waited until Oakland was about 18 months before we had them test his muscle mass. He had to give blood ( a lot of it). This was a difficult task with a toddler but we needed to know before we had another child!

His test results came back fine. I then went to the Med. Center in downtown Houston to see a geneticist to see if I was in fact a carrier for MD. My results came back inconclusive!!!!!! WHATTTT???? They did find 1 MD gene in my DNA.I still do not know to this day if I am a carrier.

THIS IS WHERE IT’S TOUGH.

 I am so blessed to be able to get pregnant. We know this.

There is also a risk for our next child to have muscular dystrophy.

THIS is not in my hands.

We want another child but how? We are unsure of that. I am placing this desire of ours in the Lord’s hands!

Just remember not everyone that has a child(ren) are able to have another one as easy as the first.

We had Oakland in 2009 and then had trouble with Ainsley. After a miscarriage our beautiful baby girl arrived in 2013.

I know I am more careful when asking this question, or just don’t ask it at all.

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Comments

  1. You said it perfectly Brittany! I don't like this question either, it's so personal and it puts people on the spot. You are a wonderful mother and I'm sure there will be more little Ashmores when the time is right 🙂

    • Thank you Holly for reading and taking the time to comment! It truly is so personal and I am a very blunt, will tell you anything kind of person…. but this really is a tough subject for me. Thank you so much! XOXOXO!

  2. Agreed! It's such a loaded question. My
    Husband and I plan to pursue adoption one the next few years rather than more bio kids… But I never know how to introduce that answer. Because I have had 2 surprise pregnancies… And people just don't get adoption because I "can" have "my own". Truly it's not anyone's business but yours… I definitely try to be very careful when I bring it up.

  3. I have been getting this question a lot lately as well, and it makes me so uncomfortable! I now don't ask anyone, but I am sure I asked it all the time before 🙂

  4. This is a sensitive subject with us as well, because my son was born with a birth defect, and on top of that we found out we're both carriers for Cystic Fibrosis. After a miscarriage and 5 years of infertility, we decided to stop at one. Our families are still mad at us over it- which is so silly. You know when you feel like your family is complete. Prayers for you guys in whatever you decide <3

  5. I absolutely love this post. Not only because I hate that question, too, but because ti really showcases how much you don't know the whole story when asking off-hand questions like "when are you going to have another?" I'm so thankful for your health and your kids' health; it IS a huge decision to plan for #3.

  6. I don't ask at all! Each of us decide in our families what is right for us, and like you said, only so much is within our own power. The rest is in the will of the Lord.
    Thanks for sharing!

  7. Thanks for sharing your story. We don't have kiddos yet but now that we've been married 2.5 years it comes up constantly. I try to be very sensitive to other women because you really never know the situation/reason/story behind their decisions.

  8. Love this post and your heart. I would love a 4th child and have been blessed to not have issues getting pregnant, but my pregnancies have been complicated and right now we are having a hard time with one of my kids. We are praying about adopting too but really just need peace and timing on it all. People ask us constantly and I kind of just smile and nod. Praying for you guys as you seek the Lord on it all!

  9. Oh what a vulnerable post. Thank you for sharing, Brittany, and giving words to so many women who have had this question asked. Praying for you and your beautiful family.

  10. Oh friend! Prayers for you and your family. You are right – only the Lord knows our future and how many children we will have {birth and adopted}. I get asked this all the time, too. I love your perspective on it!

  11. Oh sweet friend! Praying for you and your all the Ashmore's. May the Lord bless you with another wether by birth or adoption.

    I also hate being asked when we are going to have another? Because honestly, I didn't have a good pregnancy. I didn't handle the transition into motherhood well and frankly, I'm terrified to have another. At this point, I'm just not ready. I get this question daily and its like nails on a chalkboard.

    It's not our timing, it's the Lords and he decides we are ready.

  13. This is such a tough question, and I don't think people should ask at all. They don't know your circumstances or what you have/or will be going through. I had a very difficult second pregnancy, so I think my friends and family no not to ask me this. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope if/when you decide to have another child, either biologically or by adoption, that everything goes well.

  14. Well said! People just assume you'll want more (or any at all) and consider it polite conversation to question your reproductive abilities. They have no idea if you're already trying or are having trouble. Better just not to ask.

    Esther
    The Cuteness

  15. You are so right…it's in God's timing. I think we forget that sometimes. But it sounds like you have a great perspective on the situation. As long as you continue to lean on Him, I'm confident that he will let you know what to do and when to do it! 🙂

  18. My kids are 9 and 12 now, and people asked me that question way longer than you would think made sense. Not that there's anything wrong with a big age gap, but… It seems like such a personal question too. Definitely not one for casual conversation!

  19. I surprisingly am not asked very often. I am way guilty of being nosy and getting in everyone's business, so this is something I will work on as well! I just like to play detective lol. I think you are so brave to want to know if you are carrier, and good for you for doing the tests. Good luck with everything!

  20. I hate that question too! Our first one almost killed me and she was born 2lbs 12 oz due to complications. It's not fair for people to ask that question. Even when it's been asked and answered they make me feel guilty for only having one! What is wrong with one?!? She is loved, well cared for, smart and beautiful. She is everything right and perfect in this world. Why oh why do I have to have another one?

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