You are enough. You were created by a God who loves you deeply, cares for you deeply, and never leaves your side. You are beautiful. You are strong.
This weekend was a very emotional one for me and I don’t mind sharing in hopes that my words would pierce your heart like my realization have pierced mine.
I have been struggling with a few things.
- pumping, pumping, pumping. I was letting this verb take me captive. I have been extremely blessed to have pumped for Ainsley for 7 months. I have enough milk in 3 freezers to last her up to a year! Yet, I still want more bags… I want to keep washing the parts ( even though I despise it when I want to go to bed instead!) I want to carry my pumping bag to work everyday. I want to hear that annoying sound that the pump makes over and over for 30+ minutes! I have let it consume my every thought, I have let it cut into time with my amazing husband, my beautiful children and thought about cutting back but didn’t know how. My very supportive husband finally realized this weekend as I saw sobbing on my floor in the closet and said ” Brittany, pumping for 7 months AND working is amazing and you have done awesome!” hearing those words from my husband meant to much to me. I am starting to pump 2x a day now and will slowly go down to 1 and then completely stop. I know I haven’t failed, I know I am not throwing in the towel. I am saving my marriage, being there for my husband, being there for my kids, not letting this pump come between what matters the most. Ainsley is and will be fine. She is completely healthy and I have ENOUGH milk to last her!!!!!!
- I have felt a bit guilty for working. Now I want you to know that I have my DREAM job! I have the privilege of teaching 1st graders { 7 of them! 🙂 } the love of Christ and not have to worry about teaching them to pass a test… but to ponder on what is true, good, and beautiful! I have always wanted to teach but didn’t think it was fair for Oakland to spend 8 months with just me and Ainsley only got 2 months of my time. The LORD has called me to be a teacher and during this season I will teach until he calls to do otherwise. If that is truly my calling, which it is I need to do my best and give my best.
I absolutely love these lyrics from Hillsong United’s son “Oceans ( Where feet may fail)
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine
WHEREVER YOU may call me may I walk upon the waters…… wherever my feet may wander spirit lead me!
I am YOURS and you are MINE. 🙂
Thessalonians 5:21-22 teaches that it is the responsibility of every Christian to be discerning: “But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil.” The apostle John issues a similar warning when he says, “Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world” (1 John 4:1).
HOLD fast to what is good….. Satan tries to bring us down and tell us we are not good, we’re not beautiful, we are not enough… but my love you ARE ENOUGH. I pray that you would know that today and that you would feel his presence. He has blessed you tremendously! You’re children are a prime example.
Whether you have been called to pump, feed your child formula, vaccinate, not vaccinate, work all day, stay at home…. know today that you are enough and that you are beautiful!
XOXO,
Brittany
I felt myself nodding throughout your entire post! Thank you for sharing. Being a nursing/pumping working mommy, teacher, and wife is super hard. I feel guilty throughout the day, every day because you cannot do enough no matter how hard you try. (Also, after much thought, I took down my new blog due to worrying about how it might impact my career/family and then I had pictures taken over the weekend. ) You rock!