This 3rd pregnancy has been really rough for me. I can do a pretty good job hiding how I feel. My husband, on the other hand hears it all. The complaining, the whining, the grumbling, the breathing, the crying, the groaning, the peeing, the sleeping, etc.
I am SO THANKFUL I got to go on maternity leave at 34 weeks from teaching. Let’s just say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WOULD BE ABLE TO TEACH THE LAST 4 WEEKS. Even being home for the last 4 weeks has been rough. My son is 7 and my daughter is 3 and they both require a lot of attention. I have wanted nothing more than to give them as much undivided attention the last 4 weeks as possible. Has that happened? I think so, but Satan thinks otherwise.
Whenever I gave them my time and then went to lay down or have some “me time” I would hear him in my head saying ” They need more of you” “You need to be by their side every second” “You can’t sit down and rest” I would start to let these lies eat me up. The truth is I am doing the best that I can. It’s hard to sit in a certain position for too long, it’s hard to kick a ball, I can’t bend over without pulling a muscle, I can’t run with them, BUT what I can do is BE THERE WITH THEM and then if I need to step away and lay down or get something to eat by myself that is OKAY TOO.
Today, Satan got the best of me. Oakland got home from school and remember he’s been at public school for about 3 weeks now. I saw his Wednesday folder and immediately got upset. His grades weren’t what I expected, he was disobedient towards his teacher, he did poorly on his spelling pre-test. I sat him down to go over spelling words and he gave me attitude, he squeezed his fist when he had to re-write a word, he wasn’t the same child I used to teach. Now him and I already butt heads when it comes to homework. I don’t know why but I have zero patience with him y’all. I have to pray so hard for it with him. I sent him to his room and I just bawled my eyes out. He came out of his room and said he was sorry. This was out of nowhere. Usually I go to get him from timeout. That was HUGE for me. He meant it too. I told him his actions really hurt me and we hugged it out.
I know I am way more emotional because I am 38 weeks pregnant. Still I am letting Satan win with my actions, my words, and my TIME. I am not in the word. That’s how he is using his power of me. It starts there. It starts with me running to Jesus and look towards the Cross. I admit I have failed in this area and strongly feel this is where I am struggling.
I am about to be a mom of 3 and I need grace. I need to give grace. I need to put Christ first every. single. day. Being a mother is all because of Jesus. He made me a mother. He can deliver me. He knows my heart. He gives me grace time and time again. He wants me to fight for him. He wants me to seek him.
I am letting Satan win. I can’t and I won’t.
It’s a choice I make each day to serve the Lord. It’s a choice I make each day to mother my children. Jesus can and will make me a better mother.
The one thing I need always is Jesus. Everything I have means nothing without Christ.
Who do you serve? We can’t have two masters. I admit I put checking social media over other things. My blog and social following MEANS NOTHING if Jesus is not my one thing.
What I need is accountability. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and would love to partner with a group of you lovely ladies to lift up, encourage, pray with, and just check in with each other every day, preferably in the morning. If you’re interested in doing this with me PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
Love you all so much and praise God for YOU!
This is so real, girl! I have been going through the same things. I thought it would be easier once I wasn’t pregnant anymore, and while certain things have gotten better – I still struggle with having enough patience towards Blaire. And when I don’t, I am so hard on myself and it ruins the rest of my day. I have less than six weeks of maternity leave left, so I need to soak it up and make the most of it. And I probably need to pray more, too. I focus most of my prayer on my family and friends… it would probably be helpful to spend more time in prayer for myself as a mama! So thanks for the reminder! 🙂
I feel like I go through a lot of these “perfectionism” struggles in being a mom of 3 under 5! It’s not easy! I find myself needing to fill my cup but am always making it harder for myself by doing more, worrying more and just not living in the moment. Making time for the things that matter and God need to be more of a priority. I’d love to join an accountability group too ❤️
I’m praying for you, girl! With two littles, you are amazing to be functioning without total meltdown! I taught middle and high school, got my Master’s and was a single mom for 7 years. It’s tough enough to teach, let alone raise your own babies! God provides in your time of need! I think that sometimes we struggle because God is drawing us back to Himself. When we (meaning any type-A, mother, teacher, and/or care taker) get caught up in what WE need to do and forget to lay it on Him, God says, “Hey down there, remember Me? I’ve got you covered!” How reassuring to know that He is a Father, too, and knows every care and worry you feel! Bless you and your beautiful family. Prayers for you being raised, now! <3 <3
And I would LOVE to join an accountablity group too ❤
You seem like an awesome mom that’s doing a wonderful job! We were just discussing Satan at our small group last night and how he is so good at what he does. For me, it’s fear. He gets a foothold in my mind via fear and it totally zaps the joy from many different situations. It’s so hard to quiet that voice because oftentimes it seems so loud. I find it so hard to tune it out!
I think part of my problem too is not being still and quiet and just listening to what the Lord is saying to me. I know if I sat down with my Bible every day- Satan’s voice would get weaker and weaker. I find it hard to prioritize that quiet time though! I know I need to. Between a full time job and two little boys- the days seem to just fly by. But you are inspiring me to do that!
So much love foe this post! You are a great mom babe!
I just had our 3rd baby a month ago. Taking care of our two boys (4 & 19 months) was so hard on my body that I went into preterm labor and delivered our girl 4 weels early. Things have gotten both easier and harder now that I’m not pregnant. Being a SAHM with a 4 year old and 2 under 2 (especially one nursing) is NOT easy and I have to give myself a lot of grace. A lot. I remind myself that God is with me, even when I’m overwhelmed and exhausted and feel like I have no time for anything, including Him. I would love to be a part of your accountability group!
I’d love to pray with you! I need accountability too friend. I find myself in this place far too often.
Love this, Brittany! Thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart with us <3
OMG I so needed to read this. I’ve been home struggling with my 8 year old and my 1 year old. It’s been hard homeschooling, cleaning, cooking and working with both of them. I say to my self i’m not spending enough time with them even though I sit with them individually each day for a bit and do some kind of activity or take them to the park. Thanks for making me realize i’m doing ok. you’re doing great by the way more than you can with a belly. Relax and let them pamper you with love. Praying for peace for you and strength to make it these last few weeks before the baby arrives! Love